he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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