My friends, they love my intelligence
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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