naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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