I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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