My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
