I am puke
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
