3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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