dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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