Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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