so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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