do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
