A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
