It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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