My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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