we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
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Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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