just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
