There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
