So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
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Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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