im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
