That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
