They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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