im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
