I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
