farters have to be the big spoon...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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