Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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