I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
