My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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