But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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