If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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