Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
