No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
