your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
