dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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