I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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