chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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