that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
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You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.