this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver