So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision