remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"