you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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