At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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