Just mADE A PArabola og urine
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
