so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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