I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just gift wrapped bread.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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