u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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