I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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