So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
