That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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