Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
