dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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