my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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