I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
