went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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