Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
