you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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