I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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