Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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