Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
