So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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