There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
