He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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