so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
