this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
