What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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