this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
