she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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