i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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