do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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