This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
