why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
