I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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