I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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