So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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