so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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