I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
